Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

1. Mulla Nasruddin was sitting in front of his house. It was raining and somebody came running and he said, "What are you doing here? Your wife has fallen in the river!"

      Mulla rushed to the river. A great crowd had gathered, but nobody was daring enough to jump into the river -- it was so dangerous, it was such a big flood. Mulla immediately jumped -- and started swimming upstream.
      The crowd laughed and people said, "Mulla, what are you doing? Why are you trying to swim upstream?"

      He said, "You keep quiet! -- I know my wife. If she has fallen in the stream, she must have gone upstream, she cannot go downstream. She can never do anything naturally. I know my wife."
       *

  2. Mulla Nasruddin was saying to me one day, I and my wife never argue.'
      I could not believe it! It seemed almost impossible that a wife and a husband did not argue. I said, 'Mulla, how do you manage it?'

      He said, 'The day we got married we decided one thing: I will talk about great and lofty subject matters only, and she will take care of small trivia.'
      I asked, 'For instance?'

      He said, 'For instance, what house to purchase, what car to purchase, to what school to send the children, what kind of clothes I should wear, what kind of business I should do -- these are small trivia. My wife settles them.'
      He said, 'For example: whether God exists or not, whether war should be continued in Korea or not -- things like that, great things. I decide great things, she decides small things.'
       *

   3. One day Mulla Nasruddin came into the restaurant and declared, "My wife is the most beautiful woman in the world."
      Everybody was shocked, everybody knew his wife... he himself knew it.
      People gathered around him and said, "Mulla, have you had a revelation? Who told you? Has she been chosen Miss Universe? What has happened that you have to declare?"
      He said, "She has not been chosen, she has told me herself. I am a faithful servant. Whatever she says I believe it. She said that she is the most beautiful woman, and I said, perfectly right; I will go and tell my friends."
       *

   4. Mulla Nasruddin went to the market and saw a big bushel of hot chilli peppers on sale. He bought them, returned home, and began to eat.
      A little while later, his disciples came and saw the Mulla with tears streaming down his face, his mouth and tongue burning. "Mulla, Mulla, why do you go on eating them?" As he reached for another, Nasruddin replied, "I keep waiting for a sweet one."
       *

   5. Once I asked Mulla Nasruddin, "How many years have you been married, Nasruddin?"
      He said, "Twenty odd years."
      So I asked, "Why do you call them 'odd'?"
      He said, "When you will see my wife you will understand."
       *

   6. One day I saw Mulla Nasruddin almost crying, he was so sad. I said, "What is the matter? Why you are so sad?"
      He said, "I am really sad. My wife has appointed a new secretary for me."
      I said, "So what? What is there to be so sad about it? Is she blonde or brunette?"
      He said, "Forget all about blondes and brunettes. He is bald! That's why I am crying!"
*

   7.  Mulla Nasruddin was talking to a man and he said 'My wife has a very bad memory.'
      And the man asked 'Do you mean she forgets everything?'
      Mulla Nasruddin said 'No, she remembers everything!'
       *

   8. A man came to Mulla Nasruddin and said 'Nasruddin. have you heard? The great scholar of the town has died and twenty rupees are needed to bury him.'

      Mulla gave him a hundred rupee note and said 'Take it, and while you are doing it, why not bury five? Remember, these scholars are very calculating and cunning people -- bury them as deep as possible, otherwise they will come back. And if you need more money, come to me, don't be shy about it!'
     *
 
   9. Once Mulla Nasruddin didn't go to the office. In the evening he came to see me and he was very happy, because he had slept in bed the whole day -- not a care in the world.

      I asked, "Nasruddin, why have you taken a holiday today?
      He said, "Couldn't help it. I tossed a coin in the morning to see whether to go to the office or not -- if it came down heads I had to go, if it came down tails I could enjoy a holiday."

      So I asked, "It came down tails and you enjoyed a holiday?"
      He said, "Yes, but I had to toss it ten times, then it came to tails."
       *

   10. I have heard about Mulla Nasruddin. He took his pay one month and there was a ten-rupee note extra. The accountant must have counted wrongly. But he was happy.

      Next month there was a ten-rupee note missing so he immediately complained. The accountant said, 'Mulla, and what about the other time when I had given you a ten-rupee note more? Then you didn't complain.'

      Mulla said, 'Listen. When a mistake is committed once, it is okay. But when it is committed twice, I complain.'
  ...................Neelanjn