Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

1. Mulla Nasruddin called his boy because now the time was ripe and things about life had to be told to him. So he told him, "You come with me to my room, I would like to discuss a few facts about life with you. Now you are mature and a few things have to be told to you."

      Mulla was feeling a little nervous -- as every father feels when facts of life have to be told to children. As old, out-dated minds do, he was feeling a little nervous.
      When they went into the room and he closed the door the boy said, "You don't be nervous. Now, what do you want to know? I can tell you, don't be so nervous."
       *

   2. Just the other day it happened: Mulla Nasruddin's wife went to see Sona -- you know Sona, the tarot card reader? -- and she came back very much disturbed.
      The future disturbs. Anything about the future disturbs. It is good not to know about the future because once you know anything about the future it starts changing your present, and disturbance arises.

      She was very worried. Mulla Nasruddin asked her, "What is the matter?"
      She said, "I have been to a tarot card reader, a very good woman, and she has said a few things and I am very worried."

      Mulla Nasruddin said, "Don't be worried. Nothing is certain in life so no prediction can be made. I tell you that only fools are certain."
      The wife said, "Are you really certain about that?"
      He said, "Absolutely certain!"
       *

   3. Mulla Nasruddin was sitting with one of his photographer friends on a bench in the park, and a negro passed by. Mulla Nasruddin said, "Look! Look! A negative!"
     
*
   4. One*
 day I asked Mulla Nasruddin, "Your umbrella is so new, so beautiful. When did you purchase it?"
      He said, "It is a miracle, Osho! It is not new, it is at least thirty years old."
      I said, "Thirty years old? It looks so new -- as if it has not been in the rain even a single time!"
      He said, "It is thirty years old, but has been exchanged for many other umbrellas at least a hundred times.Just the other day in the temple again it happened!"
   *
  
   5. There was a case. A woman was suing Mulla Nasruddin. She claimed that her child was Mulla Nasruddin's child. And Mulla was denying vehemently in the court.

      Finally, the judge asked: 'Say only one thing -- did you sleep with this woman, Nasruddin?'

      Nasruddin said: 'No, your honour -- not a wink.'
*

   6.  A tiny, fastidious woman came at rush-hour and she upturned the whole grocery store. For hours she bothered and bored Nasruddin. Only after hours of struggle could he satisfy her; she finally purchased what she wanted and was satisfied.

      And then the woman said: 'Mulla, you may not be knowing, but when I came to your shop I had a very terrible headache -- and now it is absolutely gone.'

      Mulla Nasruddin said: 'Dear madam, don't be worried. Don't be worried! It has not gone. It has come to me.'
    *
 
   7. I remember, once Mulla Nasruddin's wife said to him, "Nasruddin, I wonder ... sometimes I get very puzzled. Sometimes you look so manly, so powerful and strong, and sometimes so effeminate, so feminine. What is the matter?"

      So Nasruddin brooded, contemplated, and then he said, "It must be hereditary, because half of my parents were men and half were women."
   *
  
   8. I have heard: Mulla Nasruddin and three of his friends went into silence. Hearing too much from me about silence -- that silence is the golden bridge, the rainbow bridge to God -- they retired into a cave for a seven-day experiment in silence.

      But after one hour they all came back.
      I said, "What happened?"

      They said, "Everything failed! We four sat in silence with closed eyes. After ten, twelve, minutes, one of us said, 'I wonder whether I have left the electricity on or not.' And the second one said, 'Have you forgotten that we have taken the vow of silence for seven days?' And the third one said, 'You fool! You have also spoken!' And then Nasruddin said, 'Thank God! I am the only one who has not spoken yet!'"
  *
   
   9. Mulla Nasruddin and his wife were arguing, and Mulla said, "It must have been the most unfortunate moment in my life when I married you."

      The woman said, "But I was not running after you."
      Mulla said, "That is true. No mousetrap ever runs after the mouse. The mousetrap simply waits; the mouse comes itself."
 *
    
   10. Once it happened that Mulla Nasruddin and his friend were drinking in a pub. They came out, completely drunk, and Nasruddin was an old, experienced drinker. The other was new, so the other was affected more. So the other asked, "Now I cannot see, I cannot hear, I cannot even walk rightly. How I will reach my home? You tell me, Nasruddin please direct me. How I should reach my home?"

      Nasruddin said, "First you go. After so many steps you will come to a point where there are two ways: one goes to the right, the other goes to the left. You go to the left because that which goes to the right doesn't exist. I have been many times on that right also, but now I am an experienced man. You will see two paths. Choose the left one; don't choose the right. That right doesn't exist. Many times I have gone on it, and then you never reach, you never reach your home."

...........Neelanjan