Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

1. Mulla Nasruddin was in love with a woman. The woman was very tall, and the woman lived far away, almost one mile from the tram terminus. So Nasruddin used to walk her to her home every evening.

      One day, after just a few minutes' walk, Nasruddin said, "Give me a kiss." But she was so tall that Nasruddin needed a stool or something. So they looked around and saw a blacksmith's shop, abandoned. They found an anvil there, so he stood on the anvil, kissed the woman, and they started again towards home. After half a mile, Nasruddin said, "One more, darling."

      The woman said, "No! I have given you one kiss and it is enough for tonight."
      So Nasruddin said, "Then what is the use of carrying this damned anvil!"
       *

   2. Somebody was asking Mulla Nasruddin, "Why, Nasruddin, are you leaving so early today?" -- he was leaving the tavern.
      He said, "Every day it is a problem. The wife!"
      So the man said, "Are you afraid of your wife? Are you a man or a mouse?"
      Nasruddin said, "I am a man."
      And the man said, "Then why you are going so early if you are a man? And what certainty have you got that you are a man?"
      Said Nasruddin, "I am certain, absolutely certain, because my wife is afraid of mice. I am certainly a man. I am afraid of her and she is afraid of mice. Had I been a mouse...!"
       *

   3. One night Mulla Nasruddin called his wife and said, "Bring my specs, because I have been seeing a beautiful dream and much more is promised to me. Bring my specs, because the place is not so well lighted, and I cannot see clearly."
       *

   4. Mulla Nasruddin was talking to his doctor. The doctor said, "Nasruddin, you confess that you are bad-tempered. I suppose I need not tell you that science has discovered that your bad temper is caused by an ugly little microbe."
      Mulla Nasruddin said, "For heaven's sake, speak quietly. She's sitting in the next room."
       *

   5. Mulla Nasruddin was given an interview with a shipping company. The manager asked, "Nasruddin, it is a dangerous job. Sometimes the ocean behaves so roughly. If you are caught in tidal waves, what are you going to do with your ship?"

      He said, "No problem at all. I will simply lower down the defense mechanism that every ship has, just weights, huge weights which keep the ship stable even when there is so much turmoil all around."

      The manager said, "Another tidal wave is arising...?"
      He said, "No problem. I will again lower down a huge weight" -- In the shipping world these weights are called langers.
      The manager said, "But if a 3rd wave comes, what will you do?"
      He said, "No problem... a bigger langer."

      The manager is in a difficulty what to do with this man. He says, "From where are you getting all these langers?"
      Mulla Nasruddin said, "And from where are you getting these tidal waves?"
       *

   6. The son of Mulla Nasruddin asked him, "Papa, if a Mohammedan becomes a Christian, what will you call him?"
      He said, "He is a renegade!"
      And the son thought it over and he said, "If a Christian becomes a Mohammedan, what will you call him?"
      And he laughed and he said, "He is a man of understanding."
       *

   7. Mulla Nasruddin married the ugliest woman in the town. Nobody could believe it. People asked him, "Nasruddin, what has happened to you?"

      He said, "There is a logic in it. This is the only woman from whom I can escape any time. In fact, it will be difficult not to escape. This is the only woman in the town whom I can trust. Beautiful people are not trustworthy. They can fall in love easily because so many people are attracted towards them. I can trust this woman; she will always be sincere towards me. I need not be worried about her; I can go out of the town for months, I will not have any fear. My woman will remain mine."
       *

   8.  Just the other day I heard somebody ask Mulla Nasruddin, 'Why did Jesus say "Blessed are the poor in spirit"?'
      Mulla thought for a while and then said, 'Blessed are the poor in spirit for they have no money to buy booze.'
       *

   9. Another time somebody asked Mulla Nasruddin, 'And what is the eleventh commandment?'
      He said, 'Thou shalt not get caught.'
       *

   10. One day I went to see Mulla Nasruddin. He was sitting under his bed. I asked Nasruddin, "What is the matter? Why are you sitting under your bed?"
      He said, "Why not? I am the master of the house, I can sit anywhere!"

      And then his wife came and she said "You coward! You come out and I will show you who is the master!"
      He said, "Nobody can force me to come out! I am the master so I can sit anywhere I like!"

      Now the wife is very fat and she cannot go under the bed, so I asked the wife, "What are you going to do now?"
      She said, "You wait! Lunch time is coming closer -- he will have to come out! And under the bed he can go on talking about his mastery; above the bed I know who is the master!"

.....Neelanjna