. Mulla Nasruddin Jokes

1. Mulla Nasruddin was caught. When he came out of court he said to a friend, "It has been very hard: the judge first fined me fifty rupees" -- because he had kissed a woman, a stranger, on the road. So he was telling his friend, "The judge first fined me fifty rupees for kissing her -- and then when he looked at the woman he fined me fifty more for being drunk!" ... Because the woman was almost no woman at all -- she was so ugly that nobody could kiss her if he was in his senses!
    
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   2 Mulla Nasruddin became very aged; he attained one hundred years. A reporter came to see him, because he was the oldest citizen around those parts. The reporter said, 'Nasruddin, there are a few questions I would like to ask. One is, do you think you will be able to live a hundred years more?'

      Nasruddin said, 'Of course, because a hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now.' A hundred years before, he was a child, just born, so he said: 'A hundred years ago I was not so strong as I am now, and if a small child, helpless, weak, could survive for a hundred years, why shouldn't I?'
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   3 Mulla Nasruddin was saying to one of his friends early in the morning, walking on the lawn, "My wife is almost like a mousetrap." And women are so attuned, their antenna is always up in the air; if you speak loudly they may not listen, but if you whisper they will listen to every word.

      The wife came out and she said, "What are you telling him? Yes, I am a mousetrap -- and who are you? You are a mouse. And remember, the trap was not running after the mouse, it was the mouse himself who entered the trap. So what are you telling your friend?"
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   4. Mulla Nasruddin was resting in his chair. His wife was looking at the street and he was looking at the wall. They were sitting back to back, as husbands and wives always sit.

      Suddenly the wife said, "Nasruddin, look! The richest man of the town is dead, and thousands of people are going to give him the last send-off."
      Nasruddin said, "What a shame I am not facing that way!"
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   5. Once Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor -- and doctors have learned the trick from the priests: they write in Latin and Greek, and they write in such a way that even if they have to read it again it is difficult. Nobody should understand what they are writing.

      So Mulla Nasruddin went to a doctor and he said,
      "Listen, be plain. Just tell me the facts. Don't use Latin and Greek."

      The doctor said, "If you insist, and if you allow me to be frank, you are not ill at all. You are just plain lazy."
      Nasruddin said, "Okay, thank you. Now write it in Greek and Latin so I can show it to my family."
     
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   6. Once Mulla Nasruddin came back to his home very, very late at night. He knocked, the wife asked, "Nasrudin, what is the time?"

      Nasruddin said matter-of-factly, "It is very early, only elevenfifteen."

      The wife said, "Don't you lie to me. I just looked at the alarm clock. It is not eleven-fifteen, it is three-fifteen. The whole night is past."

      Nasruddin said, "One minute. You believe in a rotten twenty-rupee alarm clock, rather than believing in your beloved husband? What type of marriage is this? What type of woman are you?"
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   7. Once it happened: one man came to Mulla Nasruddin and asked for some money. Nasruddin knew this man, knew well that this money was not going to be returned, but it was such a small sum that he thought, "Let him take it; even if he is not going to return it, nothing is lost. So why say no for such a small sum?" So he gave him the money.

      After three days the man returned. Nasruddin was surprised. It seemed impossible, it was a miracle, that this man had returned. After two or three days the man came again and asked for a big sum. Nasruddin said, "Now! Last time you deceived me." He said, "Last time you deceived me -- now I am not going to allow it again."

      The man said, "What are you saying? Last time I returned the money."
      He said, "Okay, you returned it, but you deceived me -- because I never believed that you would return it. But this time, no. Enough is enough. Last time you behaved contrary to my expectations. But enough; now I am not going to give it to you."
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   8. Once it happened: Mulla Nasruddin came out of the village tavern and the new priest saw him -- he was passing by on the road. The new priest said, "Nasruddin, you are a religious man. What do I see? You are coming out of such a place? My son, drink is of the Devil. And when the Devil invites you again, refuse. Why don't you refuse?"
      Nasruddin said, "Reverend, I would like to refuse, but the Devil may get sore and may not invite me again."

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   9.  Mulla Nasruddin died and went immediately, or was sent immediately, to hell. There he reached Satan who had been waiting for him for a long time -- he was a man long awaited there. Satan received him, welcomed him, and Mulla Nasruddin said to the devil, "Boy, am I happy being here in heaven."

      The devil said, "Nasruddin, you are mistaken. This is no heaven."
      Nasruddin said, "That may be your attitude. I am coming from India -- to me it looks like heaven."

   *10 Mulla Nasruddin fingered a banker who was coming out of his office and said, "What about two annas for a cup of coffee?"
      The Mulla was looking so distraught, so sad, that the man felt for him, and he said, "Here is one rupee. Take it and have eight cups of coffee." So Mulla went.

      Next day he was again there on the steps of the office, and as the banker came out, he punched his face, on the nose.
      The man said, "Hey, what are you doing? And this is after I gave you one rupee just yesterday? What type of thankfulness is this?"

      Mulla said, "You and your lousy eight cups of coffee." And he punched him again on his nose and said, "They kept me awake the whole night!"

Neelanjan
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